the actions of others

Today I did something that is not terribly easy for me. I actively chose to follow another's example and not be bitter or filled with self-pity. I stood at the cusp of falling into the pit of those ugly feelings, and I said, "NO." I remembered the actions of another, and chose her path. It seems as though my actions were rewarded as my situation improved dramatically not long after I made this choice.

I also saw God today. He took the form of a man in the self check-out line of Meijer. Rather than taking the next prime available spot in the line next the one I'd been waiting in, he politely pointed out that the wait was shorter over there and inquired if I would like to go next in line. It might sound silly, but there are so few people like that in the world anymore. So few who would take the time to look out for another rather than put themselves first. And then not expect anything in return. (I promise, he didn't seem to be flirting at all.) To me, that is worthy of notice. Worthy to mention. Godly behavior.

I can learn a lot from the actions of others, if I just take the time to notice.

many ways

Today presented many ways to serve God.

I got to praise and worship in church this morning.

I was given the opportunity to let someone know how much her words meant to me after she spoke in front of the congregation. We also had a follow-up conversation this evening and promised to pray for each other as we find ourselves in similar circumstances.

I got to help my church share music and popcorn with the community during an outdoor concert at a park.

And I also have a prayer request from a family member. Please pray for her friend who is going through chemo, if you are so-inclined.

I'm going to do it.

I made a decision today.  It's something I've been considering for a while, but was inspired to actually do for three reasons. I want to donate my hair to make a wig for a woman who has cancer.

Reason 1: A friend of mine recently did this and it inspired me to think about acting on it. It's something I've been aware of and considered doing for years. I guess I've just never had the follow-through or the guts.

Reason 2: It would be a great way to serve others and God.

Reason 3: I want to honor my Mother by doing this. I'm going to wait until her birthday on November 11 and then have it cut. It's getting crazy long so it'll be a bit tough to wait. But I think it will be more meaningful if I do and give me something to do on a day that is bound to be somewhat difficult.

If you're interested, here's the link to the Pantene site that I plan to use for donation purposes:
http://www.pantene.com/en-US/PanteneBeautifulLengths/Details/beautiful-lengths-make-the-cut.aspx

not just me me me

This week has been good. There have been many people weighing on my mind and heart. So, this week I served God through prayer. Right now there are a couple people that I'm thinking about in particular. One who specifically requested prayers for herself and her son. Another is a person who I'm close to whose Mom is in the hospital. I can really relate to that and know how hard it can be. I hope he knows that I'm keeping him in my thoughts and asking God to hold his family close. I hope that God will continue to show me those who need Him. Not only does it give me a chance to share my faith, but it allows God to let them know that He's listening by bringing their need for prayers to my attention.

That is one thing about prayer that I think is so interesting. I think God sometimes uses it as a teaching tool for me and a way to be blessed. He obviously is aware of the people I mentioned and knows exactly what is going on. But, I think sometimes people need help inviting Him into a situation. Or they just feel more supported/heard when others are praying as well. Often my prayers can be self-centered. Although prayer is a personal thing, I think that it is important to realize that God wants us to remember those around us when we pray. Praying for someone can really strengthen a relationship with that person. And taking a few minutes to care deeply about that person and what they are thinking/feeling/going through allows me to reflect on how much God loves them and me.

permission

I've given myself permission not to freak out over posting every day. I will continue to seek ways to serve God each day. But if I have nothing of note to write about and I miss writing for a day or two, I'm not going to worry about it.

In the meantime, I have been praying for a little boy who is sick. Please take a moment and pray for him as well if you don't mind. God will know who you're talking about.

a small prayer

After an action-packed, fun-filled birthday weekend for me, I'm trying to get back to the blogging business at hand. Today was truly a day of rest for me (I needed a little recharging time). Therefore, I didn't necessarily interact with the outside world all that much.

So tonight is another night that I am choosing someone in my life to pray for. The person (chosen at random from FB) is an awesome individual. I've had the pleasure of working with her briefly and teaching her 2 daughters. She is hilarious and her daughters are a hoot as well. She is someone in my life that I wish I knew a little better and actually had opportunities to get to know better. In the meantime, tonight I pray for health and happiness for her entire family and guidance as she chooses between 2 job opportunities. She and her family have been a blessing on my life and I wish them nothing but the best.

whispers and shouts

"Exchange whispers with God before shouts to the world." That is something that I just heard on the radio on the way home from work (obviously I was listening to the Christian station). The woman who said it was speaking about her need to plug in to God's word each morning before hitting up Facebook, blogs, etc. She says it sets the tone for her whole day. This of course first made me feel a little guilty. I've already mentioned how I've tried many times to have time with God first thing in the morning and failed miserably because I just can seem to focus the way I should. And I am guilty of sneaking a bit of internet time into my morning routines. But, I do think that spending time with God before bed can also help set the tone for my morning, and therefore my day. And I have to do what works for me.


Soon, though, I started thinking about this phrase in another way. Something else that I tend to do is go to others (through my phone, the internet, or even face to face) before going to God when something happens in my life.  Whether it's something good or bad, it's often like a reflex to share it with other people before going to God. I would like to get better about this.

I also spent a little time thinking about how I both whisper AND shout to God. I believe there is a time for each in life. Both in joy and in pain.

I also think it's so cool that one little line on the radio sparked all this thought and even this entry. Obviously it's something that I needed to hear.

gifts

God kept me protected today as I faced my fears and drove that darn bus. And my fellow teachers were looking out for me as well, and that sure did help, too.

Also, I discovered a fun little talent today. After nearly 32 years of nothing, today I was able to win while playing one of those claw machine games. Not only that, I was able to win multiple times. I used this new-found ability to share some smiles/love. I gave away a teddy bear and two soft Reds baseballs. Unexpected little presents are always fun. And I love to give gifts. Imagine how God must feel, getting to give away stuff that is far better than a little stuffed animal or toy. Pretty amazing, when you really think about it. There are so many cool God-given gifts in this world. Some people can dance. Some can sing. Some can make us laugh. Some can write. Others are really good at calming people down. I could go on, but you get the idea.

 Not to mention the fact that he gave us the ultimate gift: His son. Which is so amazing my words could never do it justice.....

scary

Today's post topic is easy to figure out. Today God stayed with me and held my hand as I did something that scared me.

Driving is not something that came naturally to me. Not by any means. I didn't have my license until I was well into my 20s. I was a nervous driver and just couldn't seem to connect my motions with the wheel to what my car was doing. And spatial awareness while in a car has always been tricky for me.

But, this summer, I began to step out on faith and conquer my fears a bit. I agreed to do something I never thought I would do: drive a school van. Eventually, after getting the chance to be comfortable, I even *gasp* drove it with children inside of it. And all was well. But trust me, I put up quite the fight before being willing to even try.

And now, here I go again.

Today I was informed that it was absolutely necessary for me to try to learn to drive the bus. It was either that, or miss out on the final trip with my summer campers this summer.

And, you know what? I was a bit nervous. But lately, I've really just felt more confident about doing things I never would have done before. I swear sometimes I can feel my Mom (who recently passed away) cheering me on. And so, with a prayer to God and a request to her to watch over me, I got in the bus. And I drove it. I took my time and figured out where everything was and how it worked. I didn't let myself get too worked up. And I did it.

I think this verse is a great way to end this one:

Philippians 4:13
I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

FINALLY

Yesterday I FINALLY got to sing with the band in church. And you know what, I had a ball. Being up there felt natural. My favorite part? Looking out into the crowd and seeing them all worshiping in their own way. Everyone said I did a good job, which was nice to hear.

Today presented a challenge. I had an exhausting weekend, and I was extremely sleep-deprived. It turned out to be one of the more challenging/action-packed days we've had at work in a long while. I worked very intentionally and actively to not take my exhaustion out on those around me and treat them in as Godly a way as possible. I'm fairly certain that I mostly succeeded. Which is a great feeling!

replete with very me

Tonight I attempt to prepare my mind and heart for singing in church in the morning. The main thing I've been thinking about it making sure that it's not about me. I want to be in connection with God and not worried about anything else. This sort of thinking reminded me of something that I once read in a Madeleine L'Engle book. (I adore her and have learned a lot about faith and what I believe by reading her books- both fiction and non.)

Here's what I'm talking about:
“If thou could'st empty all thyself of self
Like to a shell dishabited
Then might He find thee on the ocean shelf
And say This is not dead and fill thee with Himself instead.

But thou art all replete with very thou
And hast such shrewd activity
That when He comes He says This is enow Unto itself - 'twere better let it be
It is so small and full there is no room for me.”
― Madeleine L'Engle, A Ring of Endless Light

In case you're not into that whole poetry and old language sort of thing, let me break it down for you in "real English".

If you could empty all yourself of self
Like an empty shell
Then He might find you in the ocean
And say This is not dead and fill you with Himself instead.

(If you can forget about you and let God in, He might fill you up.)

But you are so full of yourself
And your activities are so shady/intelligent
That when He tries He says I'd better let this alone because it thinks it's fine on its own
It is so small and there is no room for me.

(But you're too full of yourself and forget to leave room for God. So He leaves you alone.)

This also all connects to the lyrics of a song that we're singing tomorrow:

Heart of Worship by Matt Redman

When the music fades
And all is stripped away
And I simply come
Longing just to bring
Something that's of worth
That will bless your heart

I'll bring You more than a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the ways things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

King of endless worth
No one could express
How much You deserve
Though I'm weak and poor
All I have is Yours
Every single breath

I'll bring You more than just a song
For a song in itself
Is not what You have required
You search much deeper within
Through the way things appear
You're looking into my heart

I'm coming back to the heart of worship
And it's all about You
All about You, Jesus
I'm sorry Lord for the thing I've made it
When it's all about You
It's all about You Jesus

Its all about you
Jesus

I don't want to be "all replete with very me" tomorrow.  I want it to be all about Him.

not much

I can't say much, because it's not the sort of thing one can broadcast in a blog. But today I had the opportunity to support a friend who really needed it. I only wish that I could do more. In the meantime,  I hope she knows I truly am keeping her in my thoughts and prayers (something that I think that some people automatically say and don't always actually do). And I'm asking God to keep her close.

advance patience, please

First of all, I'm praying for patience for tomorrow in advance. I saw signs on my street that lead me to believe that the construction workers will return tomorrow morning. Dum dum dum (if this makes no sense, go back an entry).

Other than that, today is another day that I need to simply pray for someone I know. Today's friend is someone I've known practically FOREVER. I think we first met when we were about 7. She was there for my entire childhood, and I'm so thankful for that. I'm even more grateful to FB because it's allowed to keep in touch more easily and I know far more about her life now than I would otherwise. I've been blessed enough to meet her beautiful family last year and will be sure to include them in my prayers as well.

Dude, is this your car?

I'm gonna be real here. This morning, I was not at my "serving-est". (And yes, it's my blog so I get to make up words.)

The doorbell rang while I was half-dressed. I went down to answer it. A construction worker was standing there. He wanted to know if the car parked across the street was mine as they were getting ready to work on the the road in front of my house. I told him it wasn't, and I was sorry but I didn't know whose it was. He apologized for bothering me. I told him it was no trouble at all. He left. I was very calm about the whole thing and nice. God may have been proud. (I don't want to presume to say that He was. ;) )

10 minutes later, the doorbell rings again followed by some loud pounding. I am in the middle of getting ready for work. I try to fight it, but I'm pretty sure I look and sound mildly annoyed. He proceeds to ask me about the car across the street. I proceed to tell him it's not mine and suggest they try the street they had blocked off the night before since those people were pretty much forced to park on my street. I didn't say a word about his having rung the bell for the second time (which was God in action, let me tell ya). But I guess I didn't do a good enough job controlling the annoyance. Because he suddenly said, "Oh, I'm sorry, have we already been here?"

I told him that they had, but it was ok. At this point I was really going to have to rush to get to work on time. I had already discovered that I was out of deodorant. Not a good item to be missing on a hot day when one is spending it at a park outside.

I scurried around, and managed to be in my car with plenty of time to make it to a store to get the deodorant and some desperately needed coffee.

I started to back down the driveway. A truck pulled up directly behind me. It moved, and I started to back out again. But an old lady walked up directly behind my car. She just stood there for a while, then bent over to touch the concrete and brush her face with whatever she found (I don't know either). Eventually, she realized that I wanted to back out of the driveway and moved. Then she stared at me with a "roll down your window" face. So I did. And.........

She asked me if the car across the street was mine. Even followed it up with an, "Are you sure it doesn't belong to anyone in that house?"

I think I served God right about then by being extremely patient and polite as I explained that it wasn't my car and I was sure it didn't belong to anyone in my house. About this time, I spotted the construction workers at the end of the street staring at me pointedly as they waited for me to get out of the street.

I managed to get the items I needed at the store and book it to work.

I have since decided that the next time something like this comes up I'm going to try chanting, "Love is patient, love is kind," in my head. Hopefully I'll remember that when the time comes.

praying for friends

I've decided that on the "slow days" when nothing is glaringly obvious as a way that I can/did serve God, another thing that I'd like to do is pick out people from my Facebook page to pray for. I'm someone who is on Facebook just about daily. I like to keep track of my friends, especially those who are far away and/or I haven't seen in a long time. So, each time this kind of day comes up, I will go to my page and pray for the first person who I see in my friends list. I won't reveal the identity of the person I'm praying for today. But I will say that she is a very dear friend who has been there for me through a lot (especially in the past several years). Her ears are always open to listen to any venting I may need to do and she is quick to hug me when I need those as well. She is a blessing on my life and I'm so glad to have her.

good day

Today I had a good morning at a park with the kids from school. There were also tons of other children and their parents- and even a couple more summer camp programs. I got to serve God by putting aside my physical discomforts and having some fun with the kids. I hung upside on some monkey bars. I played hopscotch (and even taught a few kids who didn't know how to play the actual game). I even got in the little fountains with the kids and got soaking wet. Everyone was so nice and it was just a pleasant environment. A little girl joined our hopscotch game and my class accepted her without question. Two separate people gave our kids some bread so they would have something to throw for the ducks (something we never thought about beforehand). We even got compliments from a Mom/fellow teacher who commented on the excellent behavior of our kids. It was great to see God at work in all the little ways through the interactions between those in our environment today. And of course there's nothing like being in nature to make God feel a little closer in general. It was nice to spot Him so clearly in the midst of my day today.

I did it.

Well, I did it. This morning I met with the Band Guy and went over a few songs. I made sure to preface it by telling him about my bronchitis struggles. He was very understanding, which was a plus. I started getting nervous as we sang the last song as a congregation at the end of the church service. So I sent a prayer up to God.

My voice was still a little shaky, and I couldn't hit some of the notes the way I would've liked. But. I did it. And I guess I managed to do it well enough. Because he said it sounded good and asked me to sing in church next weekend! :) I'm just  so excited to be able to serve in this new way! To actually use the gifts He's given me in front of others to glorify Him is a pretty special thing. I pray that He would use my voice to help others hear Him in a way that they might not otherwise. And I'm so happy to be getting the chance to do something that I love to do.

Now if my lungs would only surrender my full vocal range by Sunday. (hack hack cough) Oh well. Baby steps.

music is like breathing

Even though my health still isn't the best, I'm still thankful. God has seen fit to give me enough of my voice back that I was able to practice singing the songs for church tonight. And I'm hoping that I'll still be able to sing in the morning.

While singing, I did my best to take a moment for praise. In order to stay connected to God, praise is important. And, for me, the best way to praise has always been to sing. I can't really describe how it feels to close my eyes and sing for God. Except to say that there have been moments that everything else seems to fall away. No thoughts of what my next meal is going to be, no stray reminders to call this person or that person, no thoughts of work or family, no thoughts of this earthly life to be found in my brain. When you consider the zillions of thoughts that typically flit around in there, that is kind of a big deal.

I think maybe some of my anger about not being able to sing earlier this week stemmed from the fact that it made me feel a bit cut off from God. But it is natural and normal to feel separated from time to time. And things aren't always going to go the way I think they should, no matter how much I want it to be that way.

And, like it or not, singing is not the only way to praise. Still, I'm glad to be able to do it again.

A quote I posted on Facebook this week seems like an appropriate ending:

"Music to me is like breathing-I don't get tired of breathing, I don't get tired of music." Ray Charles

attitude

Attitude is everything. Although these words have been repeated so many times, they truly are important. In order to be open to what God wants to do through me, I must have the right attitude. Without it, it's pretty much impossible to serve. Even more interesting, the more effort/thought I put into what I'm doing, the more likely it is that it will serve to glorify God. For instance, I might wind up folding laundry at work some day. I could simply do it as quickly as possible in order to finish the task and move on. Or. I could do it mindfully. Prayerfully even. I could make sure that each item is folded to the best of my ability. I could even go one step further, and actually hand-deliver it after it is folded. I could even go so far as to offer to put it away. I could pray for those who will be using the items I am folding. And as a final step, I could check the washing machine and move the next person's laundry into the dryer for them if there is any. Just an example of how the simple, the mundane, can quickly become God's work.  I chose to take a simple task today that I didn't even have to do and try to it as thoroughly and well as possible (despite the fact that I still don't feel my best). And I am glad that I did it.

Do I always remember to do these sorts of things? Am I to a point where everything I do is the best I can offer? Absolutely not. But I certainly want to continue to strive to try.

frustrated

I'll be honest, tonight, at this moment I'm feeling frustrated.

It actually started out well enough, with meeting friends for dinner and a short shopping excursion with one of them.

But then I got home. And I started to feel less well. (Today was much better on the health front. But now I'm not sure what tomorrow will bring.)

And I decided it was time to practice my songs for the church band. Since I'm supposed to be singing for the band guy on Sunday.

I can't hit most of the notes properly right now. It's lame. And frustrating. Why would God allow me to have this opportunity, only to not allow me to follow through with it?

I know I can (and will if necessary) ask the Band Dude if it's ok if I sing for him another time. But....I've been waiting so long. I wanted to do it this weekend. And I'm frustrated.

But that is ok. And it's ok to be a little upset/angry. If the people in the Bible are allowed to vent their emotions to God, surely I can as well.

smallest sacrifices

This is going to be one of those days of teeny tiny baby steps toward serving.

This morning I got out of bed early to pray and read my Bible since I couldn't keep my eyes open long enough to do so the night before. Getting up early is one of the most difficult things for me in life. So, though it was small, it was a sacrifice.

And right now, I'm writing this blog. Even though I'm not feeling well and planning to crash in bed in the next few minutes (even though it's 9:30 pm and I'm usually up for another 2 to 4 hours).

Sorry, but that's all I've got for now folks.