human

This is the part where I get to be human. As Bella would put it (yes, I read "Twilight" and NO I don't want to hear about it if you don't like it), "I need a human moment."

So I'm not going to beat myself up over the fact that I dropped the ball and didn't blog for several days. I'm human. It's bound to happen sooner or later. And it's ok. It doesn't mean I wasn't trying to serve God on those days. It just means that I didn't get time to write about it.

Ok, now that I got that off of my chest, let me catch you up on the goings on in the last few days.

One thing I'm trying to get back on board about (besides this blog, obviously) is remembering to stick with my prayer list. I've gotten really good about adding to it, but not always so good about praying it. Lately my prayer times have been short and sweet as I feel like I've been burning the candle at both ends. But I want to do this and I want to do it right. So I'll keep trying.

Two awesome things happened in church this weekend. The first is that I (along with some of the other wonderful people I was with) got to share a few of my experiences from my mission trip. I'm sure you've caught on by now that it was a very impactful experience and I love getting to share about it with others.

The second is that I finally connected with the "band guy" and was given some songs to start practicing. So, it looks like this singing in church thing may actually come to fruition. Whoa. Kind of big, exciting stuff.

Yesterday I got the pleasure of having some "big sister moments" and watching over my little sister as she endured some difficult medical testing. She probably doesn't realize it, but I whispered prayers over her as she rested and tried to recover.

So, yes. Life is full and God seems to be pouring out blessings lately. Which is truly awesome.

"no idea where I am going"

Today was one of those days where I wound up doing a few small things to help others and serve God in the process. I made another donation to Goodwill today, and have another large one ready for tomorrow. I also went to www.outnumberhunger.com and made a donation of 5 meals to my local food bank. I did this by putting in the code from my Totino's Pizza Rolls packaging (and now I totally want a pizza roll but hey).

While going through various items that I own in my quest to downsize my possessions, I came across this prayer. It's by Thomas Merton, from "Thoughts in Solitude".

"My Lord God,
I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think that I am following your will does not mean that I am actually doing so.
But I believe that the desire to please you, does in fact please you.
And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing.
I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.
And I know, that if I do this, you will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it.
Therefore will I trust you always, though I may seem to be lost.
I will not fear, for you are ever with me, and you will never leave me to face my perils alone."
If that doesn't fit this blog, I don't know what does.

(fyi I won't be posting tomorrow evening. I'll be at my sister's house. But I will try to jot something down so as to do a make-up entry when I return.)

a day late (*gasp*)

(written yesterday, Thusday July 26)

I feel like I have to preface this entry by saying, in no way do I consider today a bad day (and anyone who was part of the changes to my plans should not feel any guilt or think that I'm feeling negatively toward them).

However, today's theme seemed to be: roll with the punches.

Absolutely nothing went the way I thought it would today.

I brought in some cereal and a coffee cup to work. I had planned to add a little milk to the cereal and then use the coffee pot in my classroom to have a cup. (Yes, I should have eaten at home, but I was super tired last night and had lots of trouble getting out of bed this morning.) The milk I had planned on using wasn't available and leaving my class long enough to get coffee wasn't able to happen.

My lunch time didn't happen as usual. Then when I went to buy a drink to go with my lunch, they were all out of the size cups I wanted.

I returned to my classroom with big plans that had to be delayed because the children had made a large mess with nearly every toy in the room. That's when I started to really notice that things weren't happening the way I thought they should.

I could go on, but you get the idea. Nothing big or life-altering, but just a series of things not turning out the way I planned. And now here I sit, writing this entry way later than I had originally intended.

So today, I believe I served God by being flexible. By keeping a smile on my face and "not sweating the small stuff". By not allowing myself to decide that today would be a "bad day" just because things weren't going according to my plans. By reminding myself that it’s not my will, but His that should be done.

After all, I've learned over the years that sometimes when things don't follow my plans, God is working in my life and amazing things are about to follow.

 

P.S. As an ultimate culmination of this day, this entry refused to save and I’m just now posting it a day later.

listening ears

"Turn your listening ears on," is a phrase I often utter to small children. But you know what? That is easier said than done.

I think that as adults, most of us consider ourselves to be pretty self-disciplined. Lately, though, God is gently showing me my flaws while offering me the chance to embrace them.

One thing that most people find is important to a healthy prayer or meditation life is the ability to sit in silence and truly relax and/or listen for a while.

Today it became glaringly obvious that this is not necessarily one of my strong suits.

First of all, I have trouble sitting still without fidgeting. I am nearly always moving some part of my body.

Secondly, music is a HUGE part of my life. I'm almost always singing and pretty much always have a song in my head.

Thirdly, as mentioned in a previous entry, I'm a talker. I like to do it. I even talk back at the TV when watching (which is often quite amusing for others).

So imagine what it was like for me when God put me in a position today that brought up all of those challenges.

Today I managed a 15 minute drive in silence. I was transporting a child who was not feeling well and wanted to be quiet out of respect for her.

And...it was really hard. In the car I ALWAYS play music and sing along and/or talk to the person/people in the car with me. Not being able to do that, even for 15 minutes was a struggle. Silly, but true.

I even wound up cheating a little and humming to myself extremely quietly.

What is it about silence that makes us want to fill it? Are we afraid of what we'll here if we relinquish control for a moment and listen inwardly? Am I afraid of these things?

I guess this is just another facet of God teaching me to be a better listener, eh?

compassion

Today I tried to serve God with patience as I encountered sometimes emotionally distressed,  sometimes dramatic, sometimes rowdy children who were all cooped up on a rainy day! He gave me compassion for a child who was visibly struggling to get his emotions together and didn't quite know how. He supplied me with energy I probably shouldn't have had after a short night's sleep (last night was a rough night for me). And He helped me come up with ways to keep the kids (mostly) safe (we had a minor injury today) and having fun.

So sorry these entries are getting more concise and less thought out. It seems like there aren't enough hours in the day lately. But life is good as well as busy. And I thank God for that.

tiny/small

Today my service to God feels tiny, minuscule. And although I think in one way that is very true, in another it absolutely isn't. Because today, I prayed for others.

On one hand, they were short, small prayers. To the God of the universe. And there are millions of others out there, praying to him. I'm like one tiny star in a vast galaxy.

On the other hand, I am known. He knows me specifically, loves me for me, knows my name. So that means He does hear and value what I say to Him.

I know what it feels like to know others are praying for me. And that feeling isn't small.

Woman at the Well (here's the poem I mentioned yesterday)

extra baggage

I hope that my internet connection holds out long enough for me to post this. Please God?

Today I donated a TV to Goodwill. I'm realizing more and more that I've been lugging around too much extra baggage in life. Both literally and emotionally. A few things have brought me to this realization. One is trying to condense everything I own into a manageable space while trying my hardest to get my stuff out the way of the kind people who have allowed me to take up their space. Another is the recent death of my Mother. It really hit home for much just how much stuff most people leave behind. She was a pack rat like me. I don't want to leave that many things behind for my loved ones to sort through, deal with, feel guilty about the possibility of getting rid of it in a way that doesn't honor me. And we still have so much of her stuff to go through. Plus, there is more of MY stuff in that house. That reality alone makes me want to give up more. And I will. Jesus told the disciples to give up their possessions and come follow Him. I don't think I'll be getting rid of everything, but I really need to get rid of MANY things. I pray that He helps me to do that and serve Him as I do so.

Another cool thing that happened today is that my church's service included a spoken word poem based on the Bible. I loved it and it really made me want to write. I have written a couple of poems based on the Bible privately before. Maybe it's time to start sharing them here, if nothing else. And to write more. If I can find a video on YouTube, I'll post it.

(for those who want to listen) Justin Bieber - Pray

*READ the post below if you want to understand why I'm posting this**

your thoughts would be appreciated

I'm considering adding the ads feature to this blog. Not to enhance my own bank account, but to allow me to make periodic donations to people/places in need. I think that would an excellent way to reach out (assuming that the ads actually made a decent amount of money). What do you think? Do any of you out there reading use this feature? Is this a good idea?

I really like having a physical prayer list. I don't know why I haven't ever done this before. Every time I sign into Facebook, there are people that I know and care about in desperate need of prayers. For themselves and for their families and friends. I think that this will be a great way to keep those people in mind throughout my week and pray specifically for their concerns often. The same is true for those that I actually get to see in my everyday life.

I also have to add that right now Justin Beiber's song "Pray" is playing on my Pandora channel. Coincidence...I think not. (yeah yeah...it's cool if you don't like him. I think he's tremendously talented and will still be around in 20 years. To each their own. But if that is the case, I challenge you to listen to the song anyway and really hear the lyrics.)

whispers

I spent more time with the little guy with the cast this morning. He wound up with us hanging out by yet another pool today. Which is how I found myself involved in a game of War that lasted over 40 minutes and was still going when it was time for us to leave. And he was laughing, smiling, and enjoying himself. Even better, some of the other kids joined us. It probably didn't hurt that it was pretty cold in the pool today.

I just told a friend that I'm becoming more sensitive to the whispers lately. I'm realizing that sometimes the things that I think of as impulsive decisions may also be little nudges from God. They tell me to do things like go into the kitchen and check to see if anyone needs my help before leaving a dinner at church tonight. There I found a woman washing dishes and in need of someone to dry them. I had been considering leaving, but I was glad I stayed and listened to that "whisper".

Another came in the form of a conversation with an old friend tonight. For some reason, I really felt like I was supposed to contact her. She later revealed that she thought that it was God's idea. And during that conversation, I had the idea through yet another "whisper" to make my prayer list a concrete thing. That is something that I've never actually done. But I quickly grabbed the journal that I'm already keeping with my Bible and started adding names/situations to the list. I know this isn't a new concept. But it's a new habit for me.

This verse seems like an appropriate ending:

"He says, “Be still, and know that I am God;
I will be exalted among the nations,
I will be exalted in the earth.” Psalm 46:10

The more I take time to be still, more I'll hear His voice.

not necessarily my plan

I was glad I showed up to VBS tonight. A teensy part of me almost talked me into not going because I still needed to eat dinner and it was already almost 7 pm by the time I got home. And this week has been tiring, I'm not gonna lie. But I elected to grab a snack and do dinner drive-thru style. I'm glad I did. It was one more night to help where I was needed, to build new relationships with kids in my church, to serve in a way that was concrete and obvious. Sometimes concrete and obvious are good adjectives. Especially when one is seeking out opportunities to serve in her everyday life.

Speaking of which. A snag that I'm hitting is a tendency to want to plan out what I think my opportunities might be each day. If this is truly about serving God, I need to be looking and listening to what His plans might be. And yes, they may coincide. But I want to be sure that I'm keeping my eyes and ears open as my day unfolds. As opposed to waking up in the morning and thinking, "Ok, so today the way I'll serve will be to ______." Does that make sense?

child-like

Today I went to a water park with the summer campers from the school where I work. It was  a lot of fun! Almost immediately though, God put a task in my path. One of the little guys was unable to enjoy the park fully because he was in a cast. He was pretty upset about this fact. I made it my mission to cheer him up as much as possible.  I checked in with him frequently, kept him company pretty often, and basically did my job to the best of my ability.

Full disclosure, though. It was hard at first. The child-like side of me (which I am still in frequent touch with as an educator of small children) was anxious to be in the water enjoying the water slides and everything else the park had to offer. She was feeling antsy sitting by the side of the pool and wondering what the other kids were up to. I told her to take a chill pill and be quiet because this kiddo needed my attention. Eventually I struck a bargain in which I would still enjoy the park while giving plenty of time and attention to this child. This worked beautifully. I'm sure he still wishes he could have been in the water. But I think we both managed to have a good day. (And yes, I did eventually make it to the water slides. I know you were worried. ;) )

connection

I went back to VBS tonight. I seem to be developing a connection with one of the little girls. She immediately plopped down next to me when she came to craft time (the area where I plan to help out the rest of the week unless needed to go somewhere else) after we had worked together yesterday. I gave her a big grin and said, "You're back. I think we make a great team!" I also made sure to warn her that I won't be back tomorrow night (tomorrow's work day will be fun but a bit more tiring so I'm taking the night off from VBS). But yes, I'm still happily serving in the Artsy Crafty area. And helping out in any way that I can find. Those of you who know me are not at all shocked, I'm quite sure.

The other moment of note happened on my drive back home tonight. An ambulance and fire truck went zipping through the light where I was stopped. As is my usual custom, I prayed for those inside the emergency vehicles and those they were going to help.

Active listening has caused me to be a couple minutes late a few times recently. I've discovered that it's really difficult to end a conversation when one is striving to listen actively to everything the other person has to say. Maybe I'll get better/more graceful at it soon. In the meantime, at least others are feeling heard. At least, I hope so.

profound/obvious combo

I had a thought today that seemed both profound and obvious.

Another little nugget of wisdom that this challenge has brought to my attention is the fact that sometimes serving is hard. You don't feel like it. You don't have energy. You're tired. And by you, I mean me.

So...here comes the profound/obvious combo thought:

Jesus got tired too.

"But (someone or more than one someone might be thinking) He wasn't like me! He was all glowy and good and hung out with sheep."

But people, guess what? According to everything I've ever known/ been taught, Jesus was fully human as well as being fully divine.

Which means that He experienced everything that we do while being human.

Which means, sometimes he was probably tired and maybe he even didn't really feel like it (insert task here).

And I have a feeling when that happened, He did exactly what I did today. I prayed for more energy and thanked God for the opportunity to serve even when it was hard.

And you know what? God delivered.

I had a great time helping some kids make crafts this evening during my church's VBS. As my Mom would have put it, I got an attitude adjustment.

And it probably didn't hurt that He let it pour down cold rain on me as I ran into the church. ;)

It's ok to humble yourself and ask for help.

One thing this challenge I'm attempting is showing me is just how humble I need to be. There are days when God is practically gift wrapping opportunities to serve. There are others when I know that the opportunities must be there, but apparently I'm missing them. I wonder if He sometimes wants to beat me over the head with them and say, "Here I am, come serve me over here!! This really isn't that difficult!". One reason I think this is going on is that I'm slipping up a little when it comes to prayer.

I'll admit it. There are seasons in my life when I remember to pray often. There are others where it begins to be something that I don't do as often as I should. Right now, I'm somewhere in the middle. And that's not where I want to be.

If I truly want to serve Him each and every day, doesn't it make sense that I need to be as close and connected as possible? Therefore, I need to get better about this. Little prayers before I do something difficult are great, but I need to remember to spend time no matter what. Apparently, there's yet another habit I need to form/re-form.

I find that the best time for me to spent time with God is just before bed. I've tried waking up early, but what tends to happen is that I'm not awake at all and I wind up staring bleary-eyed at my Bible and feeling guilty for not being at my best. I've also learned that I have to be sure to get to bed while still pretty awake in order to be successful. Otherwise, repeat the bleary-eyed scene.

It's a tough life, being a sleeper/night owl combo. ;)

I also need to confess that I slipped up a little with the active listening today. I dealt with some insomnia last night (not entirely sure what was up with that) and then woke up 2 hours early this morning crying after a bad dream. So a couple of times when a friend from church was talking to me, I forgot to focus. I think I may have even given her a few blank stares. Oops. I guess I have to try to do better tomorrow.

Speaking of opportunities gift-wrapped and placed into my lap, this week I'll be helping out at my church's vacation Bible school after work. It looks to be a lot of fun with plenty of opportunities to help where I'm needed. Today I started off this awesome opportunity by staying after church to help decorate and get ready. It was a time when it wasn't a stretch for me to use the talents I've been blessed with and pitch in. Long arms and legs, my comfort with being on a ladder, and my love of artsy things in general all came into play. I'm psyched to see what else the week brings!

MEAC

I don't know if today really counts all that much. I did decide that I want to donate clothing to one of the ministry partners where I served during my trip. It's called  Madisonville Education and Assistance Center and helps those who are in need of basic necessities like clothing, food, etc.  In case you're interested in helping them out too, they do have a list of needed items or you can simply make a donation on their website: http://meaconline.org/ . They told us their mission is put themselves out of business. That's a pretty awesome goal if you ask me. When I was there, I cleaned bathrooms, unloaded boxes from a delivery and shelved a few of them, and sorted the clothing items on the shelves by size and color. I also got the opportunity to speak directly with a few of the people and help them look for items. Oh, and I got to decorate a few treat bags that we were already preparing for their Fall Festival. I'm all about the crafty-ness, so this was a good job for me.

 But anyway, that is the thing I did today. Made the decision to fill a box and send it to them. I didn't do it yet, though. Hopefully in this case it's the thought that counts for now. And I guess I did spread the word about them to all of you. So maybe that counts for something, too.


(P.S. Any updated clothing donations would probably be much appreciated. I literally saw the exact pair of stonewashed jeans with zippers up the back of the legs that I rocked in the early 80s along with many other oldies. Wait, let me see if I can get a pic.... aha! Check out these bad boys!)

woman on a mission

This morning was a thankful one. I had an extremely rare unexpected day off due to plumbing issues at work. I discovered something. It's harder to find ways to serve God when you're home by yourself for most of the day. Not impossible, but harder. Ditto for practicing active listening.

However, I am noticing that I'm taking more notice of the people around me in public since my mission trip. I am often a "woman on a mission" while out shopping and I've been known to walk right past people that I know. But now I'm finding myself more likely to notice those around me and be open to interacting with them more often. And as is always my custom, I am always ultra polite to all those who wait on me and thank them sincerely.

Tonight there was a small gathering at my church and I tried to help in little ways where I was needed. Assist people with tye dye shirt designs. Pushing kids on swings that needed help. Things like that. I would have done these things anyway, but I was glad to be aware that I was serving as they were happening.

I guess technically these days I'm always a woman on a mission.

imperfection is inevitable

Firstly, the listening challenge remains...well, a challenge. Today's focus was a student that makes the whole thing interesting. Bless him, but he chatters nearly constantly. He gets excited and repeats himself, consistently discusses topics that I know nothing about, and is a close/loud talker. He's very sweet, but after a while it can really be a challenge to stay with him in a conversation. So today I strove to make sure that I gave him eye contact and more appropriate responses than, "Uh huh, Mmm hmm, yeah, etc.". It really seemed to help most of the time. A few times I slipped up and admittedly did get distracted. But I'm human and I can't always be perfect. Neither can he, and he deserves all that I can give him.

The other way I served today was to pray for something I heard about on the radio on the way home. It always hurts my heart to see or hear about a serious car accident. This one sounded like a doozy with at least 8 people hurt and one transported to the hospital via helicopter. I prayed for the accident victims, their families, their doctors, and those caring for them on the scene. I also prayed for those who were stuck on the highway at a complete standstill as all of this was going on. I have to be careful, though, because at one point I was so lost in thought/prayer about them that I almost didn't notice when the car in front of me came to a sudden stop. Thanks God, for watching out for me so I didn't end up in an accident,too.

distractions abound

Here's a little tip for you: active listening is not easy while surrounded by children who don't always follow the social custom of waiting until you finish one conversation to try to start another. I truly believe that part of my inability to focus on one thing only half the time stems from the many years I've worked with children.

Having said that, I also noticed today that the bus ride was a little more pleasant for me when I actively engaged in a conversation with one of my students. I always try to be a good listener, but I'll admit sometimes I'm not fully there as a kid chatters away. This morning, I was, and it made a huge difference. The child in the seat next to me and I connected more than we have all summer. It was nothing big (a huge conversation topic was the many cornfields we spotted), but it made us both happy.

Another consequence of this whole active listening goal is that I caught myself a couple of times trying extra hard today with people that I knew have been reading! Didn't want to get busted not even trying! This is not necessarily a bad thing.

The other thing that I did today was to clean up a mess I found. We stopped at a park to eat our lunches today, and I noticed balloons everywhere! Upon closer inspection as I tried to clean them up, I also found several plastic toy soldiers. Several of them had been extremely mutilated (one was mostly just a torso and not much else) but I found a couple that were still intact and gave them to one of the kids standing nearby. I also found a car-shaped silly band and gifted that as well. It was something small, but it made them smile. And caring for the planet He created seems like a great way to serve God to me.

Chatty Cathy

Those of you who know me well probably know that I'm an avid Pinterest fan. Especially if you follow me, you can vouch for it. Pinterest is a wealth of information, a fun way to collect images, jokes, etc. I just love it! Anyway, the reason I bring this up is that last night I was looking through my board devoted to quotes. (I'm also an avid fan of good quotes.) And I came across a pin that really applies. It is a list called Ten Ways to Love. When I followed the link, it took me to the page of a blog called "Gorgeous Puddin's Ponderings". So please know that the following words and ideas are in no way my own. I'm not even entirely sure if they're hers, or someone else's. Anyway. Here is the link to the pin, so you can find the blog if you want: http://pinterest.com/pin/232990980692396376/

ANYWAY (just want to give credit where credit is due), the first thing on the list is:

1.) Listen without interrupting. Proverbs 18.

If you're anything like me, those words leave you wanting to know exactly what Proverbs 18 says. So, here's a link to the NIV version. I'll wait. ;) : http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Proverbs+18&version=NIV

I decided last night after reading the "Ten Ways to Love" list that it was the perfect thing to apply to those days that I don't see a glaringly obvious way to serve God during the day. And...well, I'll be honest. I'm a talker. I like to talk. I'm one of those people who thinks quickly and so I truly AM listening to what you're saying but my brain can't help but race ahead to what I'm going to say next as you're talking. And sometimes I forget to listen/pay attention. Definitely an area for me to strive to improve and serve God while doing so. So many people in this world just need/want someone to really, truly listen. I could definitely get better, although I do try. For instance, I always stop to listen to the response when I ask someone how they're doing. I absolutely HATE it when people ask that question and just keep walking without waiting for an answer. I realize that for some people it's a habit and it's become another way to say hello. But for me it just shows a lack of respect for what another person is saying. I also HATE it when people say "fine" and don't elaborate. But I guess there's not much I can do about that. Ha ha.

So, I just decided while writing this that the goal of listening actively is a habit I'm going to try to develop this month. I had been thinking of setting it as a focus for the week, but I don't think a week is going to be long enough. Plus, I'm pretty sure that 30 days is supposedly how long it takes to form a new habit. So a month it shall be. And trust me, it will be work for me. I tend to get distracted a lot.

I have one other report of a way I served God today. I passed a car that was broken down right at a busy traffic light on my way home from work. My first instinct was to think, "Man, that must suck..." But after a couple of seconds, the light bulb came on. Here was an opportunity! The driver was nowhere in sight, so I couldn't offer to help him/her directly. But what I could do was pray. So I did. I prayed specifically for the safety of the driver, good help from others, and the finances to fix whatever was wrong. As a person who has had her fair share of car trouble, I know how much that kind of prayer would mean to me. So I was glad to be given the chance to do it for someone else.

Apparently I have a lot to say today. I guess I'm making up for yesterday. ;) And I guess it fits what I said up there about my liking to talk......

patience is a virtue...and it isn't always easy

I'll be honest, I didn't expect a day like this to come so quickly. Today was a struggle to find a way to serve God. Mostly because today was a struggle in general. I'm pretty tired and think all of the crazy of last week is still catching up with me. And the kiddos were so LOUD and rambunctious today!! (I promise it wasn't just me being tired and therefore sensitive to noise and such because I confirmed this with the other adult in the room.)

So I feel like God did more for me today than I did for Him. I did ask Him for patience. And tried to serve Him by being as patient as possible. But....after the need to remind them to use indoor voices came up again for the 50th time or so, I really needed the help. Yikes!

In other news, today a friend contacted me and told me that she had a dream that she was supposed to tell me that this blog is going to help a lot of people. That's pretty cool stuff, I have to tell you. And I hope she doesn't mind my metioning it here. I figure it is an interesting thing to share with everyone and maybe even another way God is speaking to me. Kind of awesome, don't you think?

Not How I Pictured It

Well, this morning I finally did something that God's been telling me to do for quite a while. And, I guess I've been behaving a bit like a child about it. Because I've essentially been ignoring Him. Stamping my feet and screaming, "I DON'T WANNA!".

So He's been very patiently placing people in my path who all keep saying the same thing: "You have a beautiful voice. Have you ever sung with a group? Have you ever sung in church? You should!". And every time, I've been blushing a little, thanking them politely, and then proceeding to give them an excuse why the time isn't right. But essentially they were just variations on "I DON'T WANNA!".

This past week while on the mission trip, God was working overtime with this kind of thing. 4 separate people talked to me about singing in church. A couple of them told me that they can hear me during worship and they really think I should be up front. Even one of the guys who led the singing during our worship times together approached me and said the same thing.

And so.

Now I've reached a point where God's not going to let me simply get away with an, "I DON'T WANNA."

And today, I finally responded to God's push through the desires in my heart (because even though I've been saying "I DON'T WANNA" and resisting, it's something I've felt called to do since the first day I set foot in my church) as well as the words of others. I took a deep breath, walked my little butt up to the front of the church, and talked to the band leader about singing with them.

The funniest part is that before all of that happened, the pastor preached all about whining and wanting to do things our way instead of listening to God. He said he figures that God gets little 3 year old tantrums from us a lot.

So, anyway, as the title says, the whole talking to the band leader thing was not how I pictured it. It's not like I was expecting some sort of fanfare or for him to gasp out, "OH great, we've been waiting for you!". But he simply took down my email address, told me he'd  probably have to meet with me next week to see what I'm good at and not good at. He looked almost suspicious when he asked if I could do harmonies and I cautiously answered, "Some."

And you know what? Ordinarily, that would be enough to shake me up. That would be enough to make me rethink the whole thing, especially if he forgot to email me. But you know what else? I'm not worried. I know that I did what I was supposed to do. Now God will take care of the rest. It's not on me, and there's no sense in freaking out about it.

Embarking on My Journey

I just spent an entire week on a mission trip with my church. We were serving in Cincinnati, through "Awaken the City" which is sponsored by Hyde Park United Methodist church.

I don't really know exactly what I'm doing here. But what I do know is, I feel like I'm supposed to be doing this. I'm supposed to tell the world that today God challenged me to find a way to serve Him every day and write about it. If there's one thing that I learned this week, it's that I should listen when God calls, even if I don't quite understand or feel a little silly or confused.

So, as Samuel said in a story we read in the Bible this week, "Here I am."

Today I'm starting in a way that feels both small and huge. I'm starting this blog and accepting the challenge. I know that some days, it's really going to be hard to look for a way to serve. I'll be tired and grumpy and not want to challenge myself in any way. Some days (let's face it, maybe many days) I'll be sick. Some days I'll be caught up in something else. But I don't care. I'm going to try anyway. If I truly want to use my life for the things that God is asking me to do, I have to be brave and bold and ignore the voice in my head that always comes up with 72 zillion reasons why something might not work (man is that voice obnoxious!).

So I'm listening to God and starting this blog today. I also served Him in a tiny way. My roommate left me a note asking me to water her plants while she was on vacation. Rather than put it off to do later (I had just walked in the door from my trip and I had a bunch of luggage to take upstairs), I took the time to do it right away. A little thing, to be sure, but I hold no grand illusions that every day I'll be feeding the hungry or helping the blind. Some days, I'll just be watering the plants and doing the little things that need to be done.

And that's ok with me.